I am about to graduate. Whatever. I have applied for jobs in both Mexico and Puerto Rico. No big deal. None of that seems out of the ordinary to me for some reason. What does seem strange is that the only reason I have for not leaving that has almost convinced me to stay here is my roommate. I have the greatest roommate I have ever had right now, a great friend. I am afraid if I leave that when I come back our friendship will have been lost like so many others were when I studied in Mexico before. Even ones I expected to be solid. Also, if I leave, then I am leaving him here alone to tend to the inn with a curfew, and basically chained to this spot anytime he can't get people to cover for him (and trust me, it is a whole new kind of hell just to get so called friends to sleep in the inn for a night to help you out). That in itself has almost been enough to make me want to stay. I am not sure what to make of that. Maybe I really do care that much about his life. Maybe I am just being selfish and don't want to feel like a punk if I leave. Who knows...

Also, this is cool:

La soledad me tiene acorralado
Como un guardián me sigue a todos lados
Y es que las flechas de tu recuerdo
Siguen clavándose aquí en mi pecho.

Epic Stories

You know those stories that reach down into your soul and strike a chord of longing? The epic ones about things and places greater than ourselves? My roommate and I have watched the three Lord of the Rings movies over the past week or so, and I just finished watching the last one. After all that Frodo and Sam go through it just seems an injustice that they are separated; that Frodo leaves. The sort of things that they fought and overcame together make a kind of friendship that cannot be bought, forced or searched for, but simply happens out of a choice to love someone more than oneself. A friendship forged out of life itself. That is what we long for, that is the chord those stories strike in my soul. I yearn for a friendship of that magnitude, a brother that would follow me to the very gates of hell knowing I would never ask it, and knowing that I would do the same for him. I feel that what I so desire doesn't really exist. That has been the single greatest desire of my life. A wife and kids and that whole family thing that is supposed to be the ultimate goal of my life all seems like but a shadow of what is in my heart. I do not belittle or desire those things any less, but there is something beyond comforting about having that brother that will fight for me and along side me and love me as himself. I am so angered by our culture that tells us that the only relationships worth that kind of love are with the opposite sex. We can and need to love someone of our own gender that way too. Maybe that sounds selfish. I assure you it is not, because for that sort of friendship to exist it must be reciprocal. That is the hardest part of it all. My favorite story in all of the old testament is about David and Jonathan (as anyone who truly knows me will tell you) because it is a story about just that kind of friendship in reality rather than fantasy. The community I dream of seeing one day is a community where people aren't so caught up in having to be married and having to be coupled off with thier opposite sex partner, but one in which those beautiful marriage relationships exist alongside a greater community of brothers and sisters who care for each other like David and Jonathan did, Ruth and Naomi, Sam and Frodo. Imagine....

Reminiscing

I have just finished reading all the emails I sent to my mailing list while I was in Mexico and I miss Mexico more than ever. I was prompted to do read them by two things. 1) I saw the blog of my friend from Mexico that he wrote while he studied in the US for a year, 2) I talked on Skype (in Spanish) to an American friend who is currently studying in Mexico. It is really cool to hear her story and get her perspective and see just how much our experiences were alike or very different.

As I am looking at leaving the US again in the Spring to teach English I am thinking more and more about my future as a missionary. I have begun to feel more lately like I should go back to Mexico rather than going to Taiwan. That saddens me. I very much want to go to Taiwan too but am feeling more and more that my time would be better spent improving my Spanish. Ideally I could go to Taiwan for 6 months then to Mexico for 6 months, but that, so far, is not an option. If I have to pick I think I will be picking Mexico. That still leaves me in a quandary. If I go to Mexico for 6 months to teach, I will still need to kill 3 months before I can get an interpreting license. Sooooo, I think that means a globe trotting summer next year. I still want to at least visit Taiwan, Korea, China, Japan, Singapore, Spain, France, Germany, Hungary, Bulgaria, Poland, and maybe a few other places.... but 3 months is nowhere near enough for all that....

I have this chronic problem see; I always dream these big dreams, have these awesome plans, but they nearly never work out. Money, time, work, and school always seem to mess them up. I am certainly blessed to have traveled as much as I have and seen what I have of the world so I really shouldn't complain that I can't see ALL of it. But I do think I will ask for just a bit more.

Viajero

No se porque continuo asistir a una iglesia en que no soy conocido. Sabes? No hay nadie en esa iglesia que me conoce. Casi nadie sabe ni mi nombre. Hize la misma cosa en Mexico, pero pense que lo hize en Mexico porque no habia una iglesia mejor. Pero ahora estoy en EEUU, el pais "cristiano," el pais de mil millones iglesias, y todavia no puedo encontrar un lugar en que no me siento como extranjero. Que hago? Busco esa lugar, busco mi casa, pero por el momento, me siento viajero.

Teaching English

I have arrived at a few really tough decisions. I am torn between these things:

-learning Chinese by teaching English for a year in Taiwan but having my Spanish and ASL suffer from lack of use
-improving my Spanish by teaching English in Mexico, but losing a great opportunity to learn Chinese and having my ASL suffer from lack of use
-not wanting to be gone for a whole year because of a couple very important relationships that I don't want to suffer from absence

I don't know exactly what I should do. Both teaching options hold merit. I know my Spanish isn't as good as I want it to be and part of me says it is foolish to move on to learning Chinese before I have really mastered Spanish. Another part of me recognizes the great opportunity I have to learn yet another language. I LOVE languages and cultures. I am gripped by a great desire to learn other languages so I can communicate with more people. You may know that I am quite the talker and the more people I can talk to, the better. Ideally, I would take a split between the first two options. A semester in Taiwan teaching, then a semester in Mexico (or another Latin American country) teaching.

I also have to recognize the fact that I do not want to be a teacher. I like teaching in theory, helping others learn something new, but there is a butt ton of work that goes into it that I do not want to do. I think I could swallow the negative aspects of teaching for an overseas, temporary teaching job. But that still leaves me stuck between Mexico and Taiwan... I hadn't even thought of teaching English in Mexico until two days ago. Life was blissfully less complicated before I did. I think, however, that finding a job that starts in the Spring in Mexico will be harder than finding one in Taiwan. Or what if I were to do both? What if I did a year in Taiwan, and a year in Mexico? That is not my first choice and presents entirely new problems.... ugh. Why must I yearn to learn so?! GAH!

Graduating

I was asked recently if I am actually aware that I am graduating, if the reality of that event is still far off or if I know it is close. That is a strange question to try to answer (and the asker knew it). The whole thing is made even more difficult becasue I am planning to go overseas for the Spring to teach English *crosses fingers and thinks good thoughts*. I am really fine with the whole "real world" concept, with working, and such. I thought I wouldn't be, but I think the last year has really changed me a lot. I was afraid before of graduating and losing a lot of friends, being alone. I realize now that the ones I would lose have already been lost, and those who will stick with me will do so whether I am graduated or not. Being in Mexico and coming back did a lot to show me who was in each of those groups. I have, in the last few weeks, become very comfortable with the idea of graduation. There are still a few anxious points: will I actually be able to maintain friendships with people who are still in school?, I will miss school, the learning, but think I will also have an opportunity to learn a lot of things I couldn't before.

I have some difficult choices to make in the coming weeks and months, and I would like the prayers of anyone who reads this (I only actually know of one person who has ever looked at it, but maybe there are more of you I don't know about). I am well.

Militants

So I read a news article this morning on a Hispanic news source that kinda bothered me.
In case you might be able to read Spanish, here is the link.
http://www.univision.com/content/content.jhtml?cid=2073807
So, under that picture (which I LOVE) there is a caption that says "Militants that oppose [Obama's] health care reform plan took to the streets with their whole arsenal." That pisses me off. No wonder the international community thinks so much of Obama, thier news sources are all painting him to be a hero, some sort of Saint. Meanwhile, his approval rating is dropping in the US, despite the fact that all our own news sources are praising him left and right. At least the American people are starting to see through some of the things Obama is trying to do. Even congress, that we all (including Obama I dare say) thought would be in Obama's pocket, is starting to say "hang on there chief..... what was that you were asking us to do?" He is our president, that is a fact. Another fact is that he is OUR president, we are not HIS people. We elected him, that means he need s to do what WE want, not the other way around. I truly hope that his insanity prompts people to begin fighting for their rights, their representation in our government, and hold the government accountable to the will of the people.

That is all.

First Day

Today was the first day of my internship. It is already crazy. The supervisor of the first agency I am working with this semester called this morning to ask me to come in and fill out paper work. So after I got ready I set out to their office. The paper work was all basic stuff, confidentiality agreements, contractual bits, tax forms, so it took about half a second to finish. Having done what I came to do I set off to Archdale to pick up my parent's dog from the boarders and feed the cats while they are out of town. I had not even made it back to the interstate when my phone rang. It was the interpreter coordinator for my internship location with an assignment!!! And not any old assignment mind you, but a medical assignment in Virginia! She said "I need you there by 2pm."

Now the boarders weren't going to have my parent's dog ready till 12. I ran home showered, drove to Archdale, fed the cats, printed directions, picked up the dog, dropped her off, then started towards Virginia. Now in all that mad rushing I had yet to think "This is the first day if my internship and I am off to a hospital in VA to interpret for God knows who, about God only knows what." About ten minutes into the drive I that thought finally caught up to me. I started switching, manic depressive style, between totally calm and mortified beyond belief. What if I didn't understand the client? What if I was late? What if they collapsed in the floor with some freak illness and I was the only one that could communicate with them!?

I finally got there, and actually arrived 25 minutes early. Having suddenly found myself with free time and wanting to fill it with something I decided to fill my stomach. I had also forgotten to eat all day long and definitely didn't want to be passing out on the job. That would be the perfect start to my internship. I ate a bit, got to the location, found my way to the appropriate room and sat down to wait on the client.

When everything was over and I was still alive (and the client actually asked if they could have me as their interpreter again) I got back in my trusty old truck and came back to Greensboro. I really enjoyed my first day. I just hope everything this semester goes as well as this assignment turned out.

In other news, my battle with my computer's wireless problems has ended with me victorious. You can congratulate me when you see me. :)